the view from her

If you'd like to contribute financially to assist those in the Southeast affected by hurricane Katrina, Instapundit has compiled an index of relief agencies.

Yes, one of our favorite love stories is returning again in a new adaptation.

The Happy Homemaker helpfully provides a history of Pride and Predjudice here. Yet another characteristic we share in common..an affinity for Jane Austen. I guess women of any age still fall for a really good love story.

Newsweek's Health Beat has a very interesting interview with psychotherapist Jed Diamond, author of "The Irritable Male Syndrome," also known as IMS. It's a little like PMS (men get irritable and frustrated and angry), and apparently hormonal changes are also the culprit here, as IMS is frequently triggered by a serious drop in testosterone. The good news is, next time your husband or boyfriend becomes terribly irritable and angry, you can compassionately and sensitively address the issue with him. ("awww...are we having a wittle dwop in testostewone?")

Diamond says external triggers for IMS can be traumatic loss. "It could be the loss of a job or a relationship, a physical illness or injury. But rather than ask, 'What is going on inside me?' men tend to think the problem is being caused by someone else." See, I actually think this is just further evidence for the complimentarity of the sexes. Men blame, women feel guilty, it just works. (Yes, I know...wild generalizations.)

I think my favorite part is the discussion about men feeling disconnected as women ascend in the workplace. Women are marrying later, and won't settle for someone less adept than they are. "So more males feel they can't attract and keep a woman." This explanation conveniently ignores the fact that middle-aged men regularly troll among the 20-30 year olds, and wails because women their own age may actually expect something of them. But wait - there's more. This inability to attract or keep a woman "increases irritability on an individual and a national and international scale." Wow. Just when I was starting to think I didn't have anything left to offer, it turns out I can still cause irritability on an international scale. You can't help but marvel. How is it possible they've discovered a male syndrome that still manages to blame women?

Feeling like your paycheck just doesn't go far enough? Take a moment to compare your current salary to that of 6 billion of your closest global friends.

Visit www.globalrichlist.com. Enter your annual income, and click "Show me the Money" to get a better perspective about your rank among the wage-earners of the world. Don't miss seeing your position on "the entire population of the world" scale. It certainly provides a good little "gratitude adjustment."

And if by chance you're feeling compelled to share a little of your incredible wealth, I recommend donating to World Vision immediately. World Vision is a worthy, highly reputable organization improving the health and well-being of the poorest people around the world. You'll be hearing from me regularly about them, as I am a faithful supporter.

I would like to discuss with you a recent observation made by a friend of mine. This friend is male, and is married, by the way. Some friends and I were chatting with him after church one day; he is a godly man and is a good friend who actually initiates conversations with complete strangers just to determine whether or not they might qualify as a future husband for one of us. Anyway, he turns to me and asks, "Do you have a cat?" And I said, "Yes." And he said, "All you single girls have cats."

But wait, there's more. I'm in a meeting today, and we're discussing my blog and kind of laughing about potential blog topics, and someone says, "Just don't tell them you have a cat!" Now I ask you...what is this supposed to mean? Aside from the political incorrectness of such a sweeping generalization, it's just an archaic stereotype. It conjures images of spinsters living in Victorians with hordes of cats. It's ridiculous. In my own defense, I've been a dog person all my life, but got my last cat from an ex-boyfriend who left him with me when we broke up. I notice nobody comments on single men who have cats.

So I mentally inventoried my friends. Sister Lisa: cat. The Divine Miss M: cat (even though technically it resides at her mother's house). Pistol-packin' Joyce: cats. Wait - Joyce technically is in a serious relationship, so does that count? My new friend Jen: cat. (Though if I'm not mistaken, she's planning a wedding!) R3: dog, hmm... The Lovely Laura: AHA! Laura has cats and she is now married.

Now...what was my point? Exactly. What IS the point of that stereotype?

I'm not the first person to think of it, but have you ever considered that relationships have a lot of similarities with cars?

With internet dating, your online profile is a little bit like the manufacturer's invoice stuck on the window. It lists everything that comes standard (2 children, and plays golf every week), and what's extra (a Basset Hound named Rudy and a second home in Hawaii). Of course the cost can still feel exorbitant as anyone can attest who has spent a really long hour at a first meeting with someone who didn't quite match their window sticker.

In Britain, it seems a lot of people actually have a better record with their cars than they do their relationships. Personally, I have had my current car for 10 years, which is almost as long as I was married, and believe me, the Honda Accord has been way more faithful.

Then there's the whole issue about living together before you get married, which inevitably raises the question of "trying it out" for awhile. So why not go for a test drive? Well, as the writer points out, the whole car analogy is just great if you picture yourself as the driver. It's not so great if you're the car.

The thing is, like my Honda Accord, I am starting to show signs of wear, and may have accumulated a few more miles than the newer models, (although I did enjoy earning most of them). Sure, I may occasionally eye a new car and appreciate it's youthful good looks. But trade in my old faithful Honda for a newer model? No way! He may be a little out of style, past his prime, and not much to look at anymore, but he's mine and I love him.

The ladies over at Girl Talk feature a guest writer today, Carolyn McCulley, author of Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? - Trusting God With a Hope Deferred. Carolyn answers a question about managing the desire for marriage, asked by a 23-year-old, but relevant to both men and women of any age who would, given the choice, prefer to be married.

A lot of life seems to involve managing your expectations. I don't mean lowering your expectations, as in "just want less and then you won't be disappointed." It's pretty clear that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we can ask or think (Galatians 3:20). But we may forget that getting exceedingly more than we ask may also mean getting rather different than we ask. So how can we learn to see what God has already provided? I think that comes with having an attitude of gratefulness - looking at all the things in your life for which you can be thankful. Purposeful Singleness has a great article called "It's a Choice We Make." Some very good perspective here.

For me, I focus on the amazing community of friends I have, male and female, married and single, who provide love and concern and a helping hand in those rare moments when I'm brave enough to admit I need it. I'm thankful for a job that gives me freedom to be creative and daring, and for my little condo (in Southern California that's exceedingly abundant!) and I'm thankful for this new opportunity to have some fun blogging and connect with all you good people. It's not exactly where I thought I'd be at this age. But it's really good.

On-line dating may be accepted as the virtual matchmaker of the future, but I still think it has some issues...or maybe it's just reflecting some shifts that have already taken place in our culture. I understand that it works for thousands of wonderful people for as many reasons. But I still can't help but wonder: if internet dating is so great, why does it make people feel so crappy?

It seems to me, that at its simplest level, on-line dating takes a marvelous human being and turns he or she into a mere commodity, reduced to a couple of photos and a list of marketable qualities with a catchy tagline. You're in a position of constantly managing your image to the best advantage, like product placement in a window display. Really, I think any average person you pass on the street is infinitely more complex and unique and interesting and rare and quirky than can possibly be captured in a 180 word essay. (Although I had NO idea so many men enjoyed spending their leisure time at the beach watching the sun set.) At least they've defined their target market.

Being an online advertisement is not for the faint of heart. Every day people scan your profile and dismiss you out of hand for a zillion reasons. She's too tall. He's too short. Too many kids. Rather have a blonde. Just not my "type." No explanation required. I have at least 5 close friends who have never been married, and every single one of them has a hilarious sense of humor, and incredibly wild and interesting stories literally from around the world. But you are not likely to discover them while "profile surfing" 180 word essays and questions about the last book they read. Finding out the really good stuff about interesting people just takes more time.

Awhile back, I got an idea in my head about giving internet dating a try. Normally whenever this notion surfaced in my thoughts, I would take two aspirin, call a friend and go out for a margarita. But then, very gradually, the insanity began to take over. It was all so simple, really. Thousands of available men out there, with photos and detailed descriptions like a Spiegel catalog of dating. And you could shop from the privacy of your own home. It was irresistible.

I persuaded R3 to join me (a best friend who for some reason prefers anonymity at this time), and we both signed up at Eharmony. I was subscribed for about a year, which in hindsight was probably about 11 months too long. Yes, I've heard stories of people who met and married through on-line dating, but I had this theory they were all just thinly disguised urban legends - like the one where you win a free trip to Disneyland by forwarding a Microsoft test email. Of course then a woman I work with meets a guy on match.com and the next thing I know I'm drinking champagne at her wedding, which blows my theory to shreds. Notify Snopes - this urban legend turns out to be true.

She got the man of her dreams, and what I got was this: "My passion in life is relationships. Relationship with myself, GOD and others." (His relationship with himself?) Or this: "I am most compatible with someone who is joyful without being 'ditzy.' I define that word as being continually bereft of common sense because poor moods make that inconvenient." (yes, these are actual responses. You just can't make this stuff up.) Or this: "I've seen glimpses of her, but still she alludes me. Her beauty reflected from her sublime nature blinds me, and I look away, breathless." ("Beauty from her sublime nature? Oh wait...that does sound like me...)

My friend R3 and I did not find the love our lives online. But we did have a few laughs.

Subscription to e-harmony: $99
2nd subscription for your best friend: $99
sharing each other's stories of weirdos and geeks: PRICELESS

You'd better sit down for this one. Yes, sit yourself right down on your normal-sized butt. Apparently advertisers have begun to notice that there are a lot of women in the world who are...shall we say...a little different body size than the sullen, stick-thin super-models parading down Paris runways. A lot of women are not stick-thin. A lot of women are just normal-sized. Normal being approximately 5'4" and 140 pounds. (Sullen super-models average 5'11" and 117 pounds, and since there's only like 12 of them in the whole world, you can see how upside/down this is.) Sarah, one of the smart ladies over at Intellectuelle, has discovered and writes about Nike's new advertising campaign called, "My BUTT is big." You can check out the actual ad in all its glory here.

It follows on the heels of Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty," where "Real women have real curves." So what do you think? Is it possible that the ridiculously thin standards of beauty may be changing? Considering the number of 9 to 11-year-olds who "feel better about themselves if they are on a diet," (yes, 9-year-olds) I have to say I think it's a step in the right direction.

While at first glance the Happy Homemaker may appear to be far across the great marriage divide on the blog spectrum, I feel an unexpected kinship when I look at her selection of sassy shoes.

However, my real purpose here is to direct you to her post on some information that I think is very helpful and important for all my single friends - both male and female. Consider creating an ICE entry on your cell phone for "In Case of Emergency." The idea originated with a paramedic in the U.K., who has frequently had to look through the mobile phone contacts of a shocked or seriously injured person, trying to determine who to notify. Since almost everyone carries a mobile phone now, an ICE entry would provide paramedics with a way to immediately identify the best person to contact and number to call.

While we're on this whole non-traditional, unusual-dating-alternatives theme, here's one more. A New York farmer takes out a personal ad in...well, his cornfield. He carefully planted the words "SWF got 2 [heart] farmin" in corn back in May. I don't know how many viewers a cornfield typically gets from jets passing overhead, but an article in his hometown newspaper has generated some phone calls and emails in response.

In response to an earlier post, my good friend Joyce writes in a true spirit of generosity to share a little-known, can't-miss place where women can meet men. She met her boyfriend at a gun class.

Here's her theory: "Gun stores are full of heterosexual men with lots of disposable income. Hardly any other women are in there. And if you can sort out the scary unibomber types, you're left with manly men who are probably really patriotic, usually conservative (which may mean church-going), possibly outdoorsy and pretty good candidates for having a provide-for-and-protect-my-loved-ones streak. It's so rare to see women in gun stores, you're likely to get a second look no matter where you are on the beauty scale. And chances are, all you have to do is walk in and start looking at the counter displays and somebody will walk up and talk to you. No red ribbon on your cart required. …women should know a little about self-defense anyway, and even if they don't want to actually own a gun, it can't hurt to take a basic handgun safety class so you know how they work and feel more comfortable about them."

If the whole idea of men with guns and potential unibombers seems just a bit too macho for your taste, Joyce reveals an unexpected personal benefit. "I feel incredibly girly and feminine with a holster strapped to my hip. I'm not sure why, but I get more ladylike when I'm carrying."

It's kind of nice in this day and age to see a man ask the father of a girl for her hand in marriage. This time it was Bill Clinton who received an offer of marriage for 25-year-old Chelsea. The offer was from a nice, 36-year-old guy in Nairobi who is an electrical engineer and city councilman. You know, it's sort of old-fashioned, but sweet. It's the part about cows and goats that kind of throws me...

Here's a whole new alternative for meeting people: date night at your local Wal-Mart. Apparently the program was very successful at stores in Germany, where singles would be given a red bow to place on their shopping carts to indicate an interest in mingling. They could then head for specified "flirt points" at various locations in the store. I wonder what would make for a good flirt point? Definitely Pets. Probably Beverages. Or Ice Cream. Maybe Automotive.

Alas, the lone U.S. version in Roanoke, Virgina has not fared well. It seems management has ended the program without explanation after only a month. Singles are apparently unhappy with the decision. "I'm disappointed," said Dale Firebaugh, 63. "Where can someone over 40 who doesn't smoke or drink or go to bars meet someone?"

Market researchers are probably already hard at work examining the potential profitability of "Date Night" at some other high-visibility sales location. I'd suggest the Apple Store, mostly because I find the idea of a genius at a bar so intriguing. What would be your vote? Target? Nordstrom? Petsmart?